Let's Field the Dream Team and Dominate International Soccer
We are on the record saying we don’t really get soccer. Excuse us – futball. Why invent a sport that pretends that 10 of the 11 players on a team don’t have hands? And America lost to Germany but somehow advances to play Belgium. We’re all for the United States advancing but we just don’t get the over complication.
But you know what we do get about the World Cup? Drinking beer in pubs at odd hours and rooting on the American National Team. Good old “USA!” chant anyone? Don’t mind if we do.
You know what’s fun to talk about while drinking beer in pubs with the World Cup on in the background? American domination of international soccer. And it would be a mere formality if our most gifted athletes played soccer as opposed to basketball and football (real football).
Imagine Lebron James in the goal, Earl Thomas patrolling the backfield, Richard Sherman running his mouth in the midfield and Percy Harvin at striker. Game over.
Without further ado – here’s the Gobi Straps’ World Cup Dream Team.
In the Goal: Lebron James
Rationale: Even if we disregard his freakish athleticism, he can probably stand in the middle of the goal and slap both goal posts. If an opposing offense flies a contested ball across the middle is there any doubt he’s going to just snag it out of the air. We’re talking consistent shutouts.
Defensive Backfield: Earl Thomas, Eric Berry, Damian Lillard
Rationale: Can you say "Thump?" A duo of hard hitting safeties that run 4.4s, and the fastest point guard in the NBA. Opponents won’t know what hit them. Literally. Thomas and Berry would solve soccer’s flopping problem. It’s not a flop if you just got blown up.
Midfield: Richard Sherman, Kobe Bryant, Patrick Peterson
Rationale: These guys are built for speed and change of direction. Peterson runs a sub-4.4 40s. And sure, the Mamba is coming off two major surgeries, but he may be the fiercest competitor in all sports. Sherman may "only" run a 4.5 but he’s a fearless warrior with a mouth on him. Chances are good an opponent will lose their cool and try to headbutt or bite him forcing the opposing team to play a man down.
Forwards: Wings: Adrian Peterson, Nate Robinson
Rationale: I challenge you to find a defenseman that Peterson won’t run around or better yet run through. Nate Robinson, standing at about 5’7”, is just a freakish athlete. When he’s not embarrassing the defense on the ground he will be skying over them to score on a header. Is posterizing a thing in soccer?
Striker: Percy Harvin Rationale: On paper he runs a 4.4. In reality he has unmatched game speed and elusiveness. Just kick the damn ball down the field and let him run onto it. Need proof? This video has him hopelessly burying the Broncos on the second half opening kickoff of Superbowl XLVIII. http://www.seahawks.com/videos-photos/videos/Percy-Harvin-to-the-house/f01d463d-7cef-4268-b5c8-8cd95d0ed6f8
There you have it. Let these guys train together for 6 months prior to the next World Cup and it’s in the bag. Remember how mad the Europeans were when Lance Armstrong 7-peated them in the Tour de France? If they were that mad over bike riding imagine the reaction to American domination of the World Cup. If our Dream Team came to fruition, we might finally "Get" soccer.
In Summer 2018 ready yourself for the American Dream Team to run through the competion in Russia. Get your American flag capes ready and pick up a pair of patriotic Gobi Straps for the ultimate World Cup uniform.